Today at dinner...
S- I'm full...that's weird...
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Righto.
T says (4:27 PM):
i have decided to emerge
S says (4:27 PM):
have you
T says (4:27 PM):
yes, i have
S says (4:28 PM):
very good.
T says (4:28 PM):
indeed.
S says (4:28 PM):
see you shortly
T says (4:28 PM):
righto
S says (4:28 PM):
are you stomping or have you just grown very large?
T says (4:28 PM):
haha
haha im not moving?
S says (4:29 PM):
haha i guess it's our neighbour?
T says (4:29 PM):
haaaate him
S says (4:29 PM):
sniper him?
T says (4:29 PM):
done.
S says (4:29 PM):
lovely.
i have decided to emerge
S says (4:27 PM):
have you
T says (4:27 PM):
yes, i have
S says (4:28 PM):
very good.
T says (4:28 PM):
indeed.
S says (4:28 PM):
see you shortly
T says (4:28 PM):
righto
S says (4:28 PM):
are you stomping or have you just grown very large?
T says (4:28 PM):
haha
haha im not moving?
S says (4:29 PM):
haha i guess it's our neighbour?
T says (4:29 PM):
haaaate him
S says (4:29 PM):
sniper him?
T says (4:29 PM):
done.
S says (4:29 PM):
lovely.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
WATCH!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aGob1TXLf0
watch this and if you have a youtube account rate it :) (a high rating pleasseee)
Thanks,
S
Coming soon.... Library Chronicles
watch this and if you have a youtube account rate it :) (a high rating pleasseee)
Thanks,
S
Coming soon.... Library Chronicles
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Lecture Chronicles
Seeing as 3 hour long lectures from 7-10 suck dick... T and I observe the other 800 students around us to pass the time.
So You Think You Can Dance Girl
In our first lecture of Psychology of Human Sexuality..we noticed a girl watching "so you think you can dance" on her laptop through the entire lecture. Then saw her doing it again the following week...and the one after that...and the one after that. We found ourselves wondering..Why? Why SYTYCD Girl? Why do you come to class? No internet or cable at home so you have to come to campus to stream the episodes?
The Token Middle-Aged Lady
There's one in EVERY class. And she's outspoken. Annoyingly outspoken. She's the keener in the front row who always has a useless comment to EVERYTHING. She thinks that just because she is old she can relate to the prof and that they'll be bffl and have side discussions that us youngins could never understand.
The Token Opinionated Kid That Thinks They're a Middle-Aged Lady
This student deserves to be called a kid no matter how old because they act like an annoying kid. Similar to the TMAL, they will have a useless comment to everything. The difference is that instead of commenting to try to relate to the prof, they comment to try to show off the large amount of information they have stored in their brains in place of the "normal, non-awakward, social standards" that everyone else has. Their comments are never useful and rarely relate directly to the lecture.
The Jackass You've Been Doin It With
You walk over to say hi when you see him in class but he's too cool to address you in public. He thinks you'll think that means he wants to date you, or that it's acceptable for people to know you've been talking pretty much every day and have been seeing each other about once a week for a year. No, in public you're just casual acquaintances. And even though you are sitting almost directly behind him, he'll msg you on msn or text you instead of turning around to talk to you.
The Lurker
This is the girl who is sitting not quite, but almost beside the JYBDIW. You know she thinks he's hot. She watches you say hi to him...watches you sit back down...gives you the once over...looks back at him...and continues to turn around to catch a glance of you multiple times throughout class. Especially when JYBDIW says something funny to you on msn and turns around to see if you're laughing too. She hates that. "Oh no they're bonding" she thinks, "he definitely likes her...they're definitely banging" And then she watches your goodbye. "Omg she took off his hat and touched his hair. That might as well have been a kiss. He'll never notice me..."
The Self-Obsessed Lurker
This is the girl sitting next to The Lurker. There's one in every class. Always. She is the one you'll see looking at facebook pictures all class...of herself. Enough said.
Nice Neck
He's the guy that has you going to your roommates lecture even though you're not actually in it. You make a point to sit behind him in every class so that you can stare and the back of his neck. It's a nice neck. Clean cut hair, strong, nice tan. The kind of neck you can picture yourself kissing forever. Until he turns around and catches you staring.
The Irritated Keener
The second you open your mouth to talk to your friend sitting next to you...they glance over and glare at you with laser death eyes. "HOW DARE YOU open your mouth while I'm trying to LEARN" they think as they laser you with their stare. And the second time you talk they stand up and storm to the other side of the room...oops.
The Hungry Dude
This person is always eating. Sometimes it's the yummiest smelling, tastiest looking, fast food. And you're always starving so you start plotting ways to subtly steal it from him. However, other times, he's eating something ethnic and super stinky. Not cool.
The Texter
No matter how big or small the lecture this person is tick tick texting away on their cell. Snickering at their friends' witty responses and ignoring the fact that the prof has been staring at them for the past ten minutes. And they always have an annoying ring tone too. At 9:30 on a Monday night no one wants to be jolted back into reality by ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! suddenly blaring out of someone's cell.
The Top Speed IMer
The prof could be saying nothing of any use but this persons typing away top speed on msn. tickticktickticktickticktickticktick
The MacBook Pro User
Snazzy computer owning assholes. Spoiled little rich girls who don't even know what's so "pro" about it. "Graphic design? Whaaa?"
The Envious HP Owner
I hate my computer. We're the ones getting ready to throw our frozen-again-laptops at those stupid little MBP Users.
I'm sure there's more. So stay tuned,
S
So You Think You Can Dance Girl
In our first lecture of Psychology of Human Sexuality..we noticed a girl watching "so you think you can dance" on her laptop through the entire lecture. Then saw her doing it again the following week...and the one after that...and the one after that. We found ourselves wondering..Why? Why SYTYCD Girl? Why do you come to class? No internet or cable at home so you have to come to campus to stream the episodes?
The Token Middle-Aged Lady
There's one in EVERY class. And she's outspoken. Annoyingly outspoken. She's the keener in the front row who always has a useless comment to EVERYTHING. She thinks that just because she is old she can relate to the prof and that they'll be bffl and have side discussions that us youngins could never understand.
The Token Opinionated Kid That Thinks They're a Middle-Aged Lady
This student deserves to be called a kid no matter how old because they act like an annoying kid. Similar to the TMAL, they will have a useless comment to everything. The difference is that instead of commenting to try to relate to the prof, they comment to try to show off the large amount of information they have stored in their brains in place of the "normal, non-awakward, social standards" that everyone else has. Their comments are never useful and rarely relate directly to the lecture.
The Jackass You've Been Doin It With
You walk over to say hi when you see him in class but he's too cool to address you in public. He thinks you'll think that means he wants to date you, or that it's acceptable for people to know you've been talking pretty much every day and have been seeing each other about once a week for a year. No, in public you're just casual acquaintances. And even though you are sitting almost directly behind him, he'll msg you on msn or text you instead of turning around to talk to you.
The Lurker
This is the girl who is sitting not quite, but almost beside the JYBDIW. You know she thinks he's hot. She watches you say hi to him...watches you sit back down...gives you the once over...looks back at him...and continues to turn around to catch a glance of you multiple times throughout class. Especially when JYBDIW says something funny to you on msn and turns around to see if you're laughing too. She hates that. "Oh no they're bonding" she thinks, "he definitely likes her...they're definitely banging" And then she watches your goodbye. "Omg she took off his hat and touched his hair. That might as well have been a kiss. He'll never notice me..."
The Self-Obsessed Lurker
This is the girl sitting next to The Lurker. There's one in every class. Always. She is the one you'll see looking at facebook pictures all class...of herself. Enough said.
Nice Neck
He's the guy that has you going to your roommates lecture even though you're not actually in it. You make a point to sit behind him in every class so that you can stare and the back of his neck. It's a nice neck. Clean cut hair, strong, nice tan. The kind of neck you can picture yourself kissing forever. Until he turns around and catches you staring.
The Irritated Keener
The second you open your mouth to talk to your friend sitting next to you...they glance over and glare at you with laser death eyes. "HOW DARE YOU open your mouth while I'm trying to LEARN" they think as they laser you with their stare. And the second time you talk they stand up and storm to the other side of the room...oops.
The Hungry Dude
This person is always eating. Sometimes it's the yummiest smelling, tastiest looking, fast food. And you're always starving so you start plotting ways to subtly steal it from him. However, other times, he's eating something ethnic and super stinky. Not cool.
The Texter
No matter how big or small the lecture this person is tick tick texting away on their cell. Snickering at their friends' witty responses and ignoring the fact that the prof has been staring at them for the past ten minutes. And they always have an annoying ring tone too. At 9:30 on a Monday night no one wants to be jolted back into reality by ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! ALL THE SINGLE LADIES! suddenly blaring out of someone's cell.
The Top Speed IMer
The prof could be saying nothing of any use but this persons typing away top speed on msn. tickticktickticktickticktickticktick
The MacBook Pro User
Snazzy computer owning assholes. Spoiled little rich girls who don't even know what's so "pro" about it. "Graphic design? Whaaa?"
The Envious HP Owner
I hate my computer. We're the ones getting ready to throw our frozen-again-laptops at those stupid little MBP Users.
I'm sure there's more. So stay tuned,
S
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
HOCO!....yeahhhh
So, some losers are trying to start this thing...where they call Homecoming HOCO. It's not cool. It's unbelievably stupid and annoying. And guess who decided to join in on that super cool new fad? You guessed it...F.
It's in her Facebook status, MSN name, she painted it onto a shirt...and then I vomited.
Anyways...
"HOCO!" was yesterday so this weekend was full of drunken fun. On friday, for the first time all year, we all went out as a house. Me, T, J and F. And you know what? F was totally cool and it was a great night. But then Saturday she ruined it. First of all... we were both going to this party at our friend's house. It's a house of 5 guys who F calls her "boys" and pretends she's best friends with them all..when in reality she's only really close with 2 of them and the rest can't STAND her. Also she thinks she's a million times closer with them than I am and tries her best to exclude me or make sure I don't know when she's hanging out with them. Why? you ask...because they all want my sex and/or like me better than her. And second...one of them is getting my sex. So earlier in the week when the subject of what we were all doing for "HOCO!" came up...
F said "well I'm going to the guys I HAVE TO I PROMISED them."
And I'm like ok chill...I get it they love you and want you there always or they'll die. Sure. But what I really said was
"oh yeah..."
Then F asks, "What are you doing S?"
and I say.."No idea man!"
and she says "..oh."
not..oh come with me! just..oh. I'm like k cool guess I'm not chilling with you then. But as usual 3 of "the boys" follow through and say S YOU HAD BETTER BE AT OUR HOUSE ON SATURDAY! So of course I say I'll be there.
So Friday night and Saturday morning I'm getting texts and msgs from some of "the boys" constantly being like are you coming? when are you coming? it's 9am I'm drunk, where are you? And I'm like shhhh sleeeeeping :)
So finally I get my lazy ass out of bed, put on my purple (school colour yo) and walk my hungover self to "the boys'" and on the way I get a text...
"are you awake? when are you coming?!-F"
I'm like...oh so NOW you want me there. But I play nice cause the night before was a good time. And why am I gunna let her ruin my day?
So there's the first annoying part of my Saturday. F pretending like she wanted me there with her all along. No biggie you might think right? It was effing annoying...and then this happened...
For the rest of the day I shit you not F was FARTING these DISGUSTING (or to use a phrase coined by T "Dicksgusting")smelly death farts. I threw up on her. Two times. And on top of that aaaaallllllll day I'm getting this..
"I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD YOU CAME! I'M SOOOO GLAD YOU'RE HERE WITH ME! I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE! I LOVE YOU! ARE YOU HAVING FUN? ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD DAY? I'M SOOOO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE!" paired with a hug (and by hug I mean she suffocated me in her giant titties) and a kiss on the cheek.
I swear to you she was ON me all day. I was gunna cry.
So then...
I killed her.
So I'm ending the blog. Cause she's the source of all my stories. Sorry guys.
K just kidding.
Now you're probably all wondering ...S...why do you live with this bitch?
well friends...two reasons...
1. T and I were too chicken to tell her at the end of last year that we didn't want to live with her anymore cause we were convinced her massive boobies would grow teeth and eat us
2. for your amusement.
Until Next time,
S-
It's in her Facebook status, MSN name, she painted it onto a shirt...and then I vomited.
Anyways...
"HOCO!" was yesterday so this weekend was full of drunken fun. On friday, for the first time all year, we all went out as a house. Me, T, J and F. And you know what? F was totally cool and it was a great night. But then Saturday she ruined it. First of all... we were both going to this party at our friend's house. It's a house of 5 guys who F calls her "boys" and pretends she's best friends with them all..when in reality she's only really close with 2 of them and the rest can't STAND her. Also she thinks she's a million times closer with them than I am and tries her best to exclude me or make sure I don't know when she's hanging out with them. Why? you ask...because they all want my sex and/or like me better than her. And second...one of them is getting my sex. So earlier in the week when the subject of what we were all doing for "HOCO!" came up...
F said "well I'm going to the guys I HAVE TO I PROMISED them."
And I'm like ok chill...I get it they love you and want you there always or they'll die. Sure. But what I really said was
"oh yeah..."
Then F asks, "What are you doing S?"
and I say.."No idea man!"
and she says "..oh."
not..oh come with me! just..oh. I'm like k cool guess I'm not chilling with you then. But as usual 3 of "the boys" follow through and say S YOU HAD BETTER BE AT OUR HOUSE ON SATURDAY! So of course I say I'll be there.
So Friday night and Saturday morning I'm getting texts and msgs from some of "the boys" constantly being like are you coming? when are you coming? it's 9am I'm drunk, where are you? And I'm like shhhh sleeeeeping :)
So finally I get my lazy ass out of bed, put on my purple (school colour yo) and walk my hungover self to "the boys'" and on the way I get a text...
"are you awake? when are you coming?!-F"
I'm like...oh so NOW you want me there. But I play nice cause the night before was a good time. And why am I gunna let her ruin my day?
So there's the first annoying part of my Saturday. F pretending like she wanted me there with her all along. No biggie you might think right? It was effing annoying...and then this happened...
For the rest of the day I shit you not F was FARTING these DISGUSTING (or to use a phrase coined by T "Dicksgusting")smelly death farts. I threw up on her. Two times. And on top of that aaaaallllllll day I'm getting this..
"I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GLAD YOU CAME! I'M SOOOO GLAD YOU'RE HERE WITH ME! I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE! I LOVE YOU! ARE YOU HAVING FUN? ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD DAY? I'M SOOOO HAPPY YOU'RE HERE!" paired with a hug (and by hug I mean she suffocated me in her giant titties) and a kiss on the cheek.
I swear to you she was ON me all day. I was gunna cry.
So then...
I killed her.
So I'm ending the blog. Cause she's the source of all my stories. Sorry guys.
K just kidding.
Now you're probably all wondering ...S...why do you live with this bitch?
well friends...two reasons...
1. T and I were too chicken to tell her at the end of last year that we didn't want to live with her anymore cause we were convinced her massive boobies would grow teeth and eat us
2. for your amusement.
Until Next time,
S-
Saturday, September 26, 2009
What are you saying tonight? Driveway yo.
T, J and I are all going to chill in T's car in the driveway and hotbox it. Be back soon.
Until next time,
S
Back....a cab pulled into the driveway ..
T-"why are they doing that! they're coming closer!"
S- "no they aren't they're backing out..."
Until next time,
S
Back....a cab pulled into the driveway ..
T-"why are they doing that! they're coming closer!"
S- "no they aren't they're backing out..."
Ice Cream
T and I are watching "The Biggest Loser" and she said...
"I'm going to the kitchen to get some ice cream because the fat show is on"
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaa
"I'm going to the kitchen to get some ice cream because the fat show is on"
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaa
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
NOT high.
So I got my wisdom teeth out and I was thinking...what a perfect time to write a blog...I'll be high out of my mind on Oxycodone, it'll be great right?
WRONG
This shit sucks ass. I am not even remotely high. It makes me sleep for about an hour and that's about it. Such a let down, friends. At least I'm not in any pain. It's annoying as all hell though. I'm afraid to eat anything that requires chewing because the fact that it could get stuck in the holes where my teeth used to be...ew. So I'm eating chicken broth. Yum.
Let's make a note,
Starting Weight: 118
I'll let you know what it is when I start eating solid foods again.
Not really much else to talk about...I'm workin on a good one though don't worry.
For now I'll leave you with a link to my new favorite song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXk_KVNfInU
Until next time,
S
WRONG
This shit sucks ass. I am not even remotely high. It makes me sleep for about an hour and that's about it. Such a let down, friends. At least I'm not in any pain. It's annoying as all hell though. I'm afraid to eat anything that requires chewing because the fact that it could get stuck in the holes where my teeth used to be...ew. So I'm eating chicken broth. Yum.
Let's make a note,
Starting Weight: 118
I'll let you know what it is when I start eating solid foods again.
Not really much else to talk about...I'm workin on a good one though don't worry.
For now I'll leave you with a link to my new favorite song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXk_KVNfInU
Until next time,
S
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Stanky Ass Bitch
Well. It's been a while friends...and by friends I mean ...the two people who read this...send some followers?
So all four of us are moved in to the house now, S, T, F and J...and the Cat <3. And the ghost lady. And The Bat, wherever the heck he went. One big happy family. Except not at all. Where to begin..
I guess before I continue with more blogs it is necessary to better acquaint you with our roommate, F. She’s been mentioned in a previous blog as the provider of our vomit-inducing decor, but you need to better understand that she has a great deal of other vomit-inducing attributes. As soon as F stepped her fat behind in the door, all hell broke loose and the house turned to shit. For real....shit. She's the dirtiest, smelliest, most disgusting, annoying person...EVER. No joke. She and her room have a smell. A distinct odor. Not one that I can really compare to anything. It’s a whole new level of nasty, rank, rancid, gross. I can’t even stand to go in there anymore, I feel like I’m being poisoned. It scares me when C tries to go in F’s room...I worry she might ingest something horrible.
Too name a few more oh-so-sexy qualities:
-She never bathes
-She thinks “Febreze” is a disinfectant and tries to clean things with it
-When it’s not Febreze she simply fills a bowl with water, dips a paper towel in the water and dabs at whatever she’s spilled on the carpet
-She rinses out and reuses plastic sandwich bags, and hey I’m all for saving the environment but the bags she reuses previously contained raw meat
-She then leaves the baggies on the kitchen tap to dry
-Worst thing ever, her feet. Her disgusting dirty horrible feet. She feels the need to rub them on EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I don’t know why. One day soon I will puke on her.
-Wait, wait...the ACTUAL worst thing ever, she leaves bread crumbs EVERYWHERE. Seems like no big deal, right? WRONG! I have a disease where I absolutely cannot eat anything containing gluten (such as bread crumbs) and I am extremely sensitive to it. Simple cross-contamination can cause me a great deal of pain and the long-term damage is intestinal cancer. Thanks bitch.
Aside from the fact that she is ultra dirty, she’s also a horrible, lying, conniving, nosey, manipulative, sneaky, bitch. So many examples that it would be a waste of my life to type them all. In short, she needs to know everything I’m doing at all times, she lies about everything, had me convinced a large group of my friends hated me (turns out it’s her they hate...not me) and so on and so forth. Probably the most annoying thing she does though (because the lying I can tolerate...it’s easy to spot now) is copying everything T and I do and needing to know everything.
Example,
T and I share a lot of groceries, like yogurt. “Activia” fat free to be exact. Seeing this on our shelves, F goes grocery shopping and surprise, surprise, she comes home with the exact same kind for herself. No big deal...if it didn’t happen
with EVERYTHING we get and wasn’t followed by this conversation:
F- “mmmmm I just love Activia!!”
T- “ok...”
See how she does that? It’s like she’s waiting for us to be like OMG WE DO TOO!
BFFL!! No.
T and I are drinking chocolate milk because we only have a few days before it expires...F bulldozes her way over us into the tiny kitchen to take her milk and mix it with and chocolate she can find so she can join the crowd. I go on a new type of birth control...two days later F comes back from the Dr. “oh I just had to switch my birth control!”. Best story though, T has to drink rice milk (even though she usually doesn’t) due to an allergy. F goes out and buys the same kind of milk and claims she loves it and likes to mix it with her regular milk...heh?
On to some other fun stuff,
T and I have decided we’re going to start baking our pot into peanut butter sandwiches so that no one knows we have it and F can’t smoke it all then go to bed like usual. We are clever, clever girls
The side of our house (where T parks her car) is pretty much a jungle this time of year. So there are spiders all over the place, and her car. T has a SERIOUS spider phobia, so, as payment for her driving me around all the time...I kill the spiders. But we tell F I give T $20 a month for gas. Figured she might give T money for rides...make some extra cash. I’ll let you know if that ever works out. F likes to sneak her sneaky ass into T’s car before class to get a ride.
I keep C’s food and water in my room. Lately I’ve been coming home to a sock in her water bowl every day. Today it was a whole shirt. Why can’t she just drink her water like a normal cat? Instead of using articles of my clothing to soak it up... Let’s try to develop some theories on that...
Could be that since class has started she’s lonely without me
Could be that since class has started her chubby ass is pissed she doesn’t have food every minute of the day
Could be some weird possession thing....like “I like this..I’m going to keep it...hmm...yes, here in my water bowl.”
Could be “this water is stale bitch”
Could be “where the fuck’s the milk at?”
Any thoughts?
Until next time,
S
*disclosure... or whatever we should call it..S and T are in no way fat people haters. We just feel that hateful, lying, deceitful, lazy people who treat us like garbage, deserve to be made fun of. If F and A (previously mentioned) were nice to us...we would put up with any vomit-inducing qualities and never make fun of their weight. It’s a sensitive subject. We know. And believe me, we aren’t perfect either. But we are nice to those who deserve it and aren’t manipulative, horrible people (such as F and A). Sorry to anyone we offend.
So all four of us are moved in to the house now, S, T, F and J...and the Cat <3. And the ghost lady. And The Bat, wherever the heck he went. One big happy family. Except not at all. Where to begin..
I guess before I continue with more blogs it is necessary to better acquaint you with our roommate, F. She’s been mentioned in a previous blog as the provider of our vomit-inducing decor, but you need to better understand that she has a great deal of other vomit-inducing attributes. As soon as F stepped her fat behind in the door, all hell broke loose and the house turned to shit. For real....shit. She's the dirtiest, smelliest, most disgusting, annoying person...EVER. No joke. She and her room have a smell. A distinct odor. Not one that I can really compare to anything. It’s a whole new level of nasty, rank, rancid, gross. I can’t even stand to go in there anymore, I feel like I’m being poisoned. It scares me when C tries to go in F’s room...I worry she might ingest something horrible.
Too name a few more oh-so-sexy qualities:
-She never bathes
-She thinks “Febreze” is a disinfectant and tries to clean things with it
-When it’s not Febreze she simply fills a bowl with water, dips a paper towel in the water and dabs at whatever she’s spilled on the carpet
-She rinses out and reuses plastic sandwich bags, and hey I’m all for saving the environment but the bags she reuses previously contained raw meat
-She then leaves the baggies on the kitchen tap to dry
-Worst thing ever, her feet. Her disgusting dirty horrible feet. She feels the need to rub them on EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I don’t know why. One day soon I will puke on her.
-Wait, wait...the ACTUAL worst thing ever, she leaves bread crumbs EVERYWHERE. Seems like no big deal, right? WRONG! I have a disease where I absolutely cannot eat anything containing gluten (such as bread crumbs) and I am extremely sensitive to it. Simple cross-contamination can cause me a great deal of pain and the long-term damage is intestinal cancer. Thanks bitch.
Aside from the fact that she is ultra dirty, she’s also a horrible, lying, conniving, nosey, manipulative, sneaky, bitch. So many examples that it would be a waste of my life to type them all. In short, she needs to know everything I’m doing at all times, she lies about everything, had me convinced a large group of my friends hated me (turns out it’s her they hate...not me) and so on and so forth. Probably the most annoying thing she does though (because the lying I can tolerate...it’s easy to spot now) is copying everything T and I do and needing to know everything.
Example,
T and I share a lot of groceries, like yogurt. “Activia” fat free to be exact. Seeing this on our shelves, F goes grocery shopping and surprise, surprise, she comes home with the exact same kind for herself. No big deal...if it didn’t happen
with EVERYTHING we get and wasn’t followed by this conversation:
F- “mmmmm I just love Activia!!”
T- “ok...”
See how she does that? It’s like she’s waiting for us to be like OMG WE DO TOO!
BFFL!! No.
T and I are drinking chocolate milk because we only have a few days before it expires...F bulldozes her way over us into the tiny kitchen to take her milk and mix it with and chocolate she can find so she can join the crowd. I go on a new type of birth control...two days later F comes back from the Dr. “oh I just had to switch my birth control!”. Best story though, T has to drink rice milk (even though she usually doesn’t) due to an allergy. F goes out and buys the same kind of milk and claims she loves it and likes to mix it with her regular milk...heh?
On to some other fun stuff,
T and I have decided we’re going to start baking our pot into peanut butter sandwiches so that no one knows we have it and F can’t smoke it all then go to bed like usual. We are clever, clever girls
The side of our house (where T parks her car) is pretty much a jungle this time of year. So there are spiders all over the place, and her car. T has a SERIOUS spider phobia, so, as payment for her driving me around all the time...I kill the spiders. But we tell F I give T $20 a month for gas. Figured she might give T money for rides...make some extra cash. I’ll let you know if that ever works out. F likes to sneak her sneaky ass into T’s car before class to get a ride.
I keep C’s food and water in my room. Lately I’ve been coming home to a sock in her water bowl every day. Today it was a whole shirt. Why can’t she just drink her water like a normal cat? Instead of using articles of my clothing to soak it up... Let’s try to develop some theories on that...
Could be that since class has started she’s lonely without me
Could be that since class has started her chubby ass is pissed she doesn’t have food every minute of the day
Could be some weird possession thing....like “I like this..I’m going to keep it...hmm...yes, here in my water bowl.”
Could be “this water is stale bitch”
Could be “where the fuck’s the milk at?”
Any thoughts?
Until next time,
S
*disclosure... or whatever we should call it..S and T are in no way fat people haters. We just feel that hateful, lying, deceitful, lazy people who treat us like garbage, deserve to be made fun of. If F and A (previously mentioned) were nice to us...we would put up with any vomit-inducing qualities and never make fun of their weight. It’s a sensitive subject. We know. And believe me, we aren’t perfect either. But we are nice to those who deserve it and aren’t manipulative, horrible people (such as F and A). Sorry to anyone we offend.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Slim Quick
Today T and I found this list left behind by our old roommate...makes me want to pee myself laughing. Keep in mind when reading, this girl, A, was about 40lbs overweight...
"Saturday March 21st
-weigh yourself in the AM
-take slim quick
-do P90X
-shower
-read."
My comments to that...slim quick? lmao that shit has hormones in it..that will make you fatter...her P90X stayed in its box, in the living room, untouched, until she picked it up to put in her car when she moved...that shower (if she actually got that far) was probably her first one that month...and read? her idea of reading was opening the book, putting it on her lap, taking the cap off the highlighter, turning on the tv and not looking down at the book again until it was time to close it.
Fat cow.
oh and the list on the other side of the paper..her list of "wants"...the last item on the list "3pac leotard"...no idea what 3pac means but... i'm laughing super hard at the thought of her thinking a that leotard was a good idea.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Boots
Today T and I both got new boots. The same boots. $25 from Walmart. Best part...they're size 4...children's.
BITCHH
T left a juice box in my room today...
T says (2:21 PM):
bring me my juicebox bittchhh
S says (2:21 PM):
no :)
T says (2:36 PM):
bring me my juicebox bitch
T says (2:37 PM):
NOW
T says (2:38 PM):
fooo freeee
S says (2:38 PM):
mmmmm
nah
T says (2:21 PM):
bring me my juicebox bittchhh
S says (2:21 PM):
no :)
T says (2:36 PM):
bring me my juicebox bitch
T says (2:37 PM):
NOW
T says (2:38 PM):
fooo freeee
S says (2:38 PM):
mmmmm
nah
Burglars
T says (1:14 PM):
someone just knocked on the door
ah
S says (1:14 PM):
i thought it was you knocking on my bedroom door! lol
HIDE
S says (1:15 PM):
lol
or check? what if its B?
im nakeddd
T says (1:15 PM):
come
please
they are trying the door
PLEASEE
im so scared
omg
S says (1:15 PM):
im naked
wait
So I throw on some clothes walk upstairs and knock on T's bedroom door. She's a chicken though so I brave it alone and walk to the front door to see who is trying to "break in".
T and I prove ourselves to be the worlds biggest dumb asses when we realize it's our other roommate J's parents trying to get their key to work so they can drop off some of his stuff. Earlier in the week J informed us they would be doing so. Whooopssss.
S says (1:22 PM):
lolllll
T says (1:23 PM):
haha oopsss...
i thought some burglars were trying to come in
S says (1:23 PM):
in the middle of the day hahaha
but ya i totally forgot
T says (1:23 PM):
haha me too!
T says (1:24 PM):
i put the pipe away just before they came
S says (1:24 PM):
smart girl!
someone just knocked on the door
ah
S says (1:14 PM):
i thought it was you knocking on my bedroom door! lol
HIDE
S says (1:15 PM):
lol
or check? what if its B?
im nakeddd
T says (1:15 PM):
come
please
they are trying the door
PLEASEE
im so scared
omg
S says (1:15 PM):
im naked
wait
So I throw on some clothes walk upstairs and knock on T's bedroom door. She's a chicken though so I brave it alone and walk to the front door to see who is trying to "break in".
T and I prove ourselves to be the worlds biggest dumb asses when we realize it's our other roommate J's parents trying to get their key to work so they can drop off some of his stuff. Earlier in the week J informed us they would be doing so. Whooopssss.
S says (1:22 PM):
lolllll
T says (1:23 PM):
haha oopsss...
i thought some burglars were trying to come in
S says (1:23 PM):
in the middle of the day hahaha
but ya i totally forgot
T says (1:23 PM):
haha me too!
T says (1:24 PM):
i put the pipe away just before they came
S says (1:24 PM):
smart girl!
One night we were watching some episodes from season one of One Tree Hill and we hear this noise, scary as fuck, that we’re convinced is an angry raccoon in our house ready to kill our cat. T and I creep our way over to the hallway where C is standing ready to pounce on whatever is making the ungodly noise. Cell phones at the ready, 911 dialed, thumbs on the call button, we peer around the corner to find...B. A.k.a “The Bat”. Laying on the floor at C's mercy, a screeching, annoying, potentially rabies infested, bat. EW. So naturally I freaked cause...I`m scared of everything. We scoop up C, lock her away in the basement and freak about what to do with the bat. Realizing that it`s 2 am and there is no one to call, we decide to manufacture a fake door by taping some garbage bags up in the entrance way to the hall where the bat was. Woke up the next morning to find a hole in our superbly made garbage bag door.
That was four days ago. We haven’t seen B since.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Prequel To Part 1
Last night we went to a bar and experienced a range of the best and worst pick up tactics.
Exhibit A- “New York”
Guy who from now on will be known as “New York” pretty much swoops in from nowhere and appears at T’s side scaring the bejeezus out of us. New York goes on to tell us his whole life story. He lived in Germany, Russia AND New York! Wowee. Oh wait...we don’t care. Did I mention the speech impediment? The one he claims is a Russian accent? Or should say “Wussian”. A guy across the bar catches my eye and I nod my head towards New York and make an “Omg this guys a loser” face. Shortly after, New York says “oh sorry I’ve gotta go” and heads out of the bar with his friends...who also happen to be the guy I made the face at. Whoops!
So T and I head to the dance floor for a while. And let me tell you, it was definitely creepers’ night out. We take a couple pictures together and some old dudes come over and say “you can take a picture of us if you want” (see attached photo).
As the night was drawing to a close, pretty much the coolest thing ever happened. As we were sitting in our booth taking pictures from really unflattering angles...it’s funny, hold the camera at about chest level pointing up and you get sexy, up-the-nose and triple-chin shots...a waitress comes over and gives us two shots of tequila. “Oh we didn’t...”-T “They’re from those guys right there (points at booth behind us)”-Waitress. No way right?! That kind of shit only happens on TV, oh wait, it also happens to me and T. What’s up, what’s up? That's the way to do it boys. So we take our free shots and continue with the unflattering, camera angles. A few minutes later, Tequila Boy taps my shoulder.
“Hey, do me a favour?”-Tequila Boy
“Sure”- S
“Tell my friend here if he doesn’t take this shot, he’s a pussy”-Tequila Boy
“Budd you better take this shot. Your friends think you’re a pussy”-S
So the guy still won’t take the shot and guess who takes it for him? Meeeeee!
Hence the hangover before the eyebrow waxing.
Until next time,
S
Chronicles of S & T- Part 1
So, I think the kind of crazy shit T and I get up to is totally blog worthy. Hope you agree.
Our house is divided into three separate apartments, we live in the back part, the two bedroom is above our part of the house and the one bedroom is in the front. It's like living in a house-shaped apartment building. Today we spent a good 15 minutes throwing shoes at the ceiling and then listening for the neighbours above to walk over to see what the noise was....it worked.
Later in the day we finally became 100% fed up with the vomit inducing, grandma-esque furniture and decor that our beloved (or opposite of..) roommate F has taken over the house with. The best we could do was take down the paintings. The adhesive wall hook holding up painting one, which was a series of some blue trees on some silver stuff..or something?..., came off the wall quite easily. However, the hook holding up painting two, (which is a tacky and mildly creepy picture of two children sitting together on the beach, one with his arm around the other..how sweet...) caused a bit of a problem. And by a bit of a problem I mean it ripped off a chunk of our living room wall. The house is a rental.
After realizing how stupid it is to have those adhesive things all over the house, we went around to count how many more she had hung up. Count= over 30 still hanging and over 3 holes where some used to be. The holes were covered up with more tacky decorations. For example, a heart shaped sign that says "so this isn't home sweet home, get used to it". Rude.
Early this morning hung over and miserable T got her lazy butt out of her bed and I got mine out of someone else's. After getting a ride home I walk out on to my driveway (still in last nights dress and wobbling in my heels) to find our new neighbour moving in to the front apartment of the house. Her mother decided this was a great time to ask me a million questions about garbage day, campus etc. Worst walk of shame ever...mostly because it was two steps away from my front door.
The reason T and I were up so early (11:00 am..SUPER early..) was because we each had an appointment to get our eyebrows waxed. I was not ready for any kind of pain today. Can't say that T was either. Our eyebrows are still bright red. It's been 13 hours.
And we finished off the day with twirling a cat toy in a circle while poor C (the cat) chased it eagerly to the point where she was no longer able to walk straight. I am not proud.
Until next time,
S
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